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2020-03-04, poems

Have You Made Your Decision for Christ

during the sunrise
our voices will rise
(josh and i’s)
like they do every thursday at this time.

he’ll ask about my life
i’ll ask about his child and wife
he’ll talk about his relationship with christ
and i’ll ask a lot of questions that start with why

i don’t know if he’s a friend or
a mentor
the unspoken fact is
each of us thinks the other has it backwards

but we return to speak
every week
no surrender
and no defeat

every once in a while i
write something down i
question a belief i
once held dear.

last week i was sick as i’ve ever been i
realized i was fragile and i
sat in bed wondering if i
would die in my sleep
and i said my prayers again
because that’s what i was raised to do
and my friend / mentor would have been
proud of me
for that i
said those prayers,
now i lay me down to sleep
i pray the lord my soul to keep, and i
stumbled over the part where i
mention my great grandmother i
always get stuck on that part because i
think if i’m not present enough then it doesn’t count.

this is god to me i
think, the realization that i
am not much and that i,
sitting in bed alone, could have died and i
would have been found at some point and i
would be returned to the earth swiftly, i
wish i was more but i
don’t, i
know he is more but i
still don’t capitalize his name because i
don’t think he cares about grammar.