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2021-02-22 poems

Love

love is
not apologizing for being a goof
love is
long walks
hand-holding
you falling asleep on
my shoulder on the 2 train
playing chess in the park
me losing at chess because
i’m distracted looking at you
not losing because
you blundered and i always win
your pride in me for being a winner
me working at 2 am
you watching me work, smiling
calling each other names
sweet names
mean names
love is
fear
trust
try it
try it again
try it a third time because
we don’t really know what we want
love is
saying i miss you
saying i hate you
saying i never want to see you again
saying i’m free on sunday
would you like to
do it again on tuesday
giving up on the other women
only wanting one
resigning
checkmate
love is
all i’ve got to give you,
love is
best contained in a hug,
not a letter, not words,
love is
best expressed in silence
with eyes and hands
love is
urgent
when you know you know
short memory
love is
foolish
love is
fun,
join me.

2021-02-16 images presiding over the dead
2021-02-16 images at the ice rink
2021-02-07 images three birds
2021-02-07 images snow day
2021-01-04 posts

What Color Do You Feel?

My friend Spencer asks me, every time we talk on the phone:

What color do you feel?”

I hate this question because I hate fiddling with red, green, and blue sliders as if it matters, and I’m angry Lab color isn’t the presiding standard — you can achieve much greater saturation in Lab.

I hate this question because I always feel like a black Sharpie, like a fat-tip can of black spraypaint, ready to deface a building, to black out the windows of a train car, to plaster NEKST on the side of 190 Bowery.

The closest thing I have to a religious ritual in New York City is to stop and pay my respects to the NEKST tag — every single time — at 190 Bowery.

Fuck street artists.

I like criminals.

I hate this question because she always pushes me — No. You can’t choose black or white. You have to choose some color.” So I say Warm red,” because I don’t hate that color. I say Some yellow, like goldenrod,” because I don’t hate that color, either.

I hate colors — I don’t hate colors. — because they feel like decoration, and I don’t like decoration. I just want to hear what you have to say. I want to know who you are.

Revisiting a book I read today, a quote:

If you have revolutionary ideas, they are much more likely to be listened to if you do not have revolutionary dress.”

— Marvin Bower, former managing director of McKinsey.

What color do you feel?”

Whatever color the end of the world is. Whatever color revolution is. Whatever color it is when I tear my robes from my body at the death of my ego. Whatever color the sea is where there is no light. Whatever color the inside of a heart is. Whatever color you want — but do not shine light upon it.