On positivity and tough conversations

On positivity In a group setting, if you are to be a leader, you must take responsibility for the wellbeing and positivity of the group. As you read in The Culture Code, one bad apple can destroy an entire group dynamic. However, one good apple can negate the effects of that one source of negativity and help the group power through. You have to step up and be the positive source, especially when nobody else wants to do so. For example, you faced negativity as you started a project that was supposed to  be difficult and miserable. By the standards of most people, it was. For one, it was your task—shouldn't you have been most frustrated at having to do this? Possibly, but it was good to see you look for any excuse to be positive about the project rather than any excuse to be negative about the project. The work still had to be done whether you liked it or not. There's no reason to be down about it. I should caveat that if your behavior is in a stark contrast to the rest of the group, they will not be so receptive to an upbeat attitude. If everyone else is disappointed in something that happened and you make a point to be the opposite, you'll be seen as a dissenter rather than a leader. It's not about you—it's about the group. Never let vanity take over in your leadership roles in a way that makes you act for your own appearances. In addition, if you are not the source of positivity, never become frustrated—be thankful there is another leader and that they can be a source of goodness for the rest of the group. Don't mistake my advice on leadership as a call for you to be at the top of the food chain. To hell with the food chain—do your job.

On tough conversations Where you are frustrated, you have to learn how to have the tough conversations. A large part of that is becoming comfortable with confrontation. Coming to someone with your specific frustrations with them, especially a friend or family member, is especially difficult, but I'll ask you this: What else is your remedy? You can either continue to be annoyed or mad at the things they do or don't do, or you can talk to them and figure out a way to make it work. This will have to happen in the workplace, with your significant other, and with your kids much later down the line. The best advice I can give you is to go in with a plan, and don't forget that tough conversations are still conversations. Allow the other person to speak, explain themselves, and be as free in their expression of grievances as you are.

Diego Segura